A friend of mine got me thinking about this subject this morning. I have probably written about it before but I am going to go ahead and get at it again.
So many women, namely myself, find such PRIDE in taking on the world. I am seeing a therapist right now and yesterday we talking about the makeup of me. There is the PUBLIC you, PRIVATE you, SUBCONCIOUS you, and BLIND you. I am supposed to be evaluating the public and private me this week because I have discovered that this is such a conflict for me. There are days when I dont even really know which one is real.
Am I really confident in myself or do I struggle with severe self image problems?
Do I think that I am doing everything that I can to raise my kids right or am I very aware that I skimp in areas because I am selfish?
Am I truly joyful or do I mask it with a public happy face every day because that is what is expected of me?
We see so many women every day who seem to be handling their loads so perfectly. We imagine that they wake up beautiful, greet each of their children with a kiss in the morning, make them the perfect breakfast, kiss their husbands, handle each and every obstacle that work or kids throw them prayerfully, and so on and so on...
We have such a dillusional image of our peers because that is the PUBLIC perception that we put out there. I think that all women struggle with insecurites and disappointments but it isn't always socially acceptable to present that as the PUBLIC you. Does that make sense? We have this forum of conversation through our blogs to ease one another's insecurities by sharing something about the PRIVATE you...that may not be so pretty. Like I said a few days ago - one of the best ways to encourage others is to share your experiences. I think it also helps YOU heal.
Hope this brought encouragement to your day!
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7 comments:
I actually love talking with a therapist.
I have also learned this through one failed marriage (though I married a lemon) and three therapists that I have seen-
We can choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances. Happiness comes from God and from the status of our hearts. And I truly think that though we may be struggling, that if we make the choice to make the best of our situation, it will all turn out okay!
And personally, I don't expect a mom to greet the public with a happy face everyday. I know if I had three kids, I'd probably be pretty worn out. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy.
I have about 4 maybe 5 me's. Today and yesterday I have been tempermental, short tempered me. I tell myself, "today you are going to be joyful and patient, funny and fun." And 5 minutes later, I am grumpy again.
Maybe it is because my parents' divorce is final this week, maybe it is because my skin is broken out, maybe it is because my baby girl starts middle school next week, maybe it is that I'm stressed about my schooling...
Reading this today brought me encouragement. I'm trying. That is what counts, right? Thanks, Shauna!
I probably have a few different Kristens. I have found that as I get older, they become closer together though. Some days I struggle with being the perfect wife, mom, worker, etc. But the next day I will be telling myself that doesn't exist. It is a hard balance for sure! I think being the best at what we have in front of us means realizing there is no perfect.
thank you for being REAL.
Hi Shauna,
I firmly believe that the best way to come to terms with yourself is giving back to others. We are on earth to give the support and help to others without judgement or opinion. We all sin, we all make mistakes, but we need to learn from that and help others to grow from it and move on. Take the positives you have and relish in it. If you are thinking positive about something or someone, verbalize it. It makes you feel good as well as the person who is receiving the positive comment. Focusing on the positive is so much more energizing. If you get up in the morning and can say to yourself, " I am loved, I love, I have more coming in than going out and what more do I want in life. Sometimes I think people try to over analyse their purpose in life. Put selfish aside and make someone elses life a bit better and it will come back to you many times over. Sorry Shauna,I didn't try to pontificate. I love you.
Shauna-
Sweetie!! Your comment and blog today helped me so much. I finally felt understood. Which was a vast difference between the beating I received from my mom, dad, and husband. So I'm not feeling great right now. BUT I'm trying to be better with my kids.
Thanks again for everything you've done for me! It's so strange that we never really talked in high school, but I feel that you are truly my friend now.
Love-
Lins
I'm sick and tired of society and others expectations ruling my life. I am expected to be perfect in my 'public me', yet I think I tend to rebel as the 'private me' excessively just to get it all out--things I couldn't say or do as the public me. Does that make any sense? People that know me really well see my fun, wild side, but that's not very many at all. As a mother with a professional job and conservative family, I have ALWAYS (until recently) done and acted what I thought (usually wrongly in hindsight) what was acceptable. Not just acceptable, but exceedingly acceptable in most areas. Years of trying to be superwoman, superwife, & superdaughter is extremely tough. Then throw two kids and a full-time job in the mix, as has been the last five years, and I had too many balls in the air to juggle without asking for any help. "Wonder Woman never asked for help, why should I?" haha
Last year, I turned to speed to numb my pain and actually BE super...everything to everyone... and after still trying to keep it all together with more energy, less sleep, etc, etc, for almost nine months- it almost cost me my marriage, my job and even my life. I'm clean now, but have learned more about myself and my life in the last six months than I did in my previous 30 years altogether. Seriously. Your point is so true-- if you're thinking something postive about someone, etc. -VERBALIZE it!! So many people talked to me AFTER my problem was discovered and said all the things I NEEDED to hear before that, but no one told me. They shared their raw experiences, their wisdom, their more 'private' mistakes and lessons learned, and their TRUE perception of me-- all things I was surprised to hear, but would have made a big difference overall if they had been shared beforehand. Don't wait for someone's dire straits to reach out to someone- you may just catch them from falling, you never know. And reach out to those quiet, more reserved women you know- I was regarded as the 'strong silent' girl, but really wasn't as strong as I imitated to the world. One "benefit" of the drugs that I enjoyed was that I was much more social, talkative, upbeat- I felt more engaged and 'friendly'..so I thought. I finally felt 'normal', like everyone else I saw in life. Not weird and different and lonely. BUT I have learned and accepted that its OK to be a great listener, its OK to be introverted, its OK to be the "pretty strong and fairly quiet type" you could say. God made me that way for a reason. I needed others help. But I didn't ask. I learned the hard way. Us more timid souls want to share, but sometimes lack the gumption to initiate the conversation, we usually need someone to ask them about it first. Therefore we usually hurt alone. I have learned to make my needs known and express areas I know I am lacking in, but to ashamed, prideful, embarrassed, whatever...to ask for some help and guidance.
Sorry to ramble...I do miss the diary. I was a friend of a friend of a friend, etc, etc, but really liked sharing or asking advice I wouldn't do otherwise in the "real world." Thanks for your honesty and putting out there what most of us are all thinking...I know I am.
"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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